Edward & the insignificants
by Rolien Bert
Summary: Edward is vain. Bella is delusional and clumsy. Jacob just wants to be loved and Jasper is tired of everything. This fic is completely and utterly crack. Characters are OOC.


Author's Note:

TSOD: Hi readers, this story is a collaboration between Serena Yong and the schadenfreuden of doom.

SY: In fact, this account will feature all of the fictions that we had written together.

TSOD: This story came above when we were making fun of twilight while trying to think of something to collaborate on.

SY: *_Brings out handkerchief and fireworks_* We are having mixed feelings on not owning twilight.

TSOD: I wouldn't mind owning the twilight cast *cough* taylor lautner *cough*  
But no neither of us own twilight or the cast :(

SY: Anyways, We hope you'll enjoy our first ever fanfic. ^^

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Chapter 1: First Encounter

It was Bella's first day at Forks High and she hadn't even tripped yet. Not even when the classroom floor was carpeted. Which was a big accomplishment for her as she usually trips at least ten times when they're around. They're her worst nightmare, followed by stairs, high places and completely flat surfaces with nothing to trip over.

Suddenly, she felt a gush of cool air carrying her over a flight of stairs, which she then abruptly fell down.

"Stupid gale! Team Peeta all the waaaaaaayyyyy…" she yelled angrily as she landed face first at the bottom of the stairs.

"Are you all right?" came an amazingly angelic voice from above.

She looked up to see the handsomest, swaggiest, coolest, most fabulous male specimen in the whole galaxy. The sunlight reflected off from the mirror in his hands, illuminating his sharp, chiseled features, making his face shine bright like a diamond.

"I am now." She answered airily, ignoring the spurt of blood that began trickling from her broken nose.

The man completely ignored her insignificant presence and arrogantly declared to his reflection, "Of course I'm okay. I'm Edward the Great! How can such a trifling being hurt the great ol' me?" Edward then flipped his hair fabulously to prove his point.

Bella, still in awe of Edward's amazingness, lay in a pile of blood, which was still gushing from her nose, as she drooled heavily over his shampoo-commercial-like hair flipping.

Just then, a guy not nearly as cool, awesome, or as hot as Edward came by. "Come on Edward," the guy said, "We're going to be late for class."

Edward scoffed handsomely "Please Jasper, everyone knows that class doesn't really begin until I grace these inferior beings with my mighty presence."

Jasper rolled his eyes and sighed. "Come now or I'll crush that mirror of yours!"

"You wouldn't!" Edward gasped in horror as he clutched his beloved mirror tightly to his beautifully muscled chest.

Jasper groaned in annoyance and swiftly grabbed the mirror with his super vampy reflexes. "If you want to get it back, come with me now. Better hurry, my hands are getting slippery." He cast a nonchalant look at Bella before walking down the hallway.

"Be careful with that, it's my favourite mirror!" Edward cried in dismay as he chased after his older brother.

"You said the same thing yesterday about your Sunday mirror…"

Their voices grew softer and softer as they walked further and further away from Bella.

She stared at their retreating backs (especially Edward's, in fact only Edwards, after all, he was the beautiful, marvelous, attractive one) longingly. _I'm in love!_ She declared dreamily to herself. Heart shapes started to appear above her head as she fantasized Edward becoming her boyfriend, her lover, her husband...

_Where did he go?_ She suddenly thought. _What if he misses my presence? I need to get to him now! My darling needs me!_

As she came back to reality, she realized that she was still on the ground, bleeding heavily. The throbbing pain from her broken nose suddenly came rushing back, overwhelming her senses.

"I'm coming Edward!" she whispered in pain, and promptly gave in to darkness.

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Next Chapter Preview:

"You're not Edward"

"No, I'm Jacob. But i can change my name to Edward if you want"


End file.
